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The faux patriot sissies at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Alcohol .

Alcohol is a mind-altering substance used to better drive cars and ensure a better education for children. It was invented in 785 B.C. by Al Gore (he originally called it cohol, but al was added in his honor.) The substance is frequently used and abused by old people, teenagers, college students, rich people, poor people, middle-class people, little kids without competent parents, babies of alcoholic mothers, and just about fucking everyone.

Side effects of alcohol include:

  • Throwing up in toilets
  • Said picture(s) of you throwing up in the toilet is posted on Facebook
  • Urinating in sinks
  • Brain damage
  • Unwanted pregnancy (for the breeders Ladies)
  • Paying loads of dough for eighteen years (for the dicks Gentlemen)
  • Death of you and your liver
  • Dancing like a maniac