United States

The American flag after Comrade Obama took over

The United States of America (also known as the United States, U.S., U.S.A., America, Amerika, McDonald's, and a litany of other nicknames) was a colony of Great Britain that broke off with the Motherland to eventually become a beacon of culture among civilized people. After the rebels made their own country, because as they said themselves "taxation without representation", they taxed people without representation.

Home of such cultural marvels as Jersey Shore, fast food, white supremacy, anti-communism, Conservapedia, Manifest Destiny, Guns, disproportionate income, and druggies, America has outdone itself far beyond Mother England.

In America, if you are not fornicating by age fourteen, you are either a) gay b) mentally retarded c) clinically insane d) a loser.


A REAL American

After Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492, America was discovered. Eventually, Brits and French people took the eastern land from the natives. Just give them a little booze and a piano, and you'll be all right. After Britain and the colonists had some squabbles, the Revolutionary War was fought and America was born.

Early Presidents such as George Washington, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson set the tone for early America. Washington died of syphilis, Adams killed himself, and Jefferson had children with his slave Sally Hemmings. Their core accomplishments were creating the Articles of Confederation Constitution to govern America and please the gun nuts.

Stuff happened because some southern hicks wanted slaves, and northern imbeciles didn't. They had a Missouri "compromise" but they eventually just went to civil war becuase a tall guy witha big hat won the election. He was shot.

After that, the progressive era took place to provide Glenn Beck with material for his show. Teddy Roosevelt and the "Bull Moose Party", FDR and the New Deal, and George Soros led to the communist takeover of America due to the Soviet Union. Some world wars happened, Hitler shot himself, and the war got cold. Real cold. Until Reagan tore down the wall with his bare hands, of course.

Contemporary America is unimportant. Clinton cheated on his wife, Al Gore invented teh internets, Dubya bombed the Middle East, and Obama got blamed for everything.


America is wide. Its people are disproportionally heavy. This is due to a poor diet and poor "excercise" habits such as flipping a remote control.


Not Jesus, but the real American deity

American culture is based on fast food, drugs, sex, alcohol, and sheer stupidity. People in America are really good at making crappy TV shows, getting drunk, making babies, and getting morbidly obese.


Contemporary American politics is nothing short of boredom. Republicraps and Demoncats disagree on everything and filibuster each others' legislation. Go figure.

Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid are the unholy trifecta of American politics.